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Friday, November 22, 2013

The Life Aquatic, minus Steve Zissou



Sun columnist Simon Kent warned me that “everything in Australia will kill” me, but I think the part of the itinerary that made me most nervous was being in open water.

We boarded a catamaran at Port Douglas (about 15 mins. from Thala Beach Resort) operated by Quicksilver. This cruise operator brings customers to Agincourt Reef, part of the Great Barrier Reef where they can partake in certified diving, an intro course to diving – or, my choice, if you aren’t very comfortable in water and are clearly not fit for survival – helmet diving.

They call it “ocean walking.”

First, Quicksilver staff ask your group up to the top level of the catamaran and ask you to fill out a medical questionnaire. I felt the process was a bit invasive because they were asking what specific medications people were on and what they were specifically used for openly in front of strangers. It was a bit awkward. Could’ve used a bit more tact, to be honest.

Once approved, you get a wet suit and you get into a thicker wet suit. The Quicksilver folks put a weight belt on you. The helmet itself is a substantial 34 kilos., but feels virtually weightless as you enter the water.






A group of six people will slow make their way down a flight of stairs underwater to a rusty metal platform. From there, three divers and a cameraman begin interacting with you as you’re breathing normally in this glass head bubble and holding onto a rail with one hand.

It’s pretty incredible.

Schools of fish dart towards you and aren’t afraid to get up close and personal. I made friends with a buck-toothed red snapper who, in my opinion, was giving me the stink-eye. But I loved him anyway.

(What is with Australian animals giving me the stink-eye? First crocs, now fish?)

The Quicksilver diver began picking up ocean artifacts, including a freakish-looking red sea cucumber. I didn’t exactly know what to do with it until he grabbed my hand and placed it on this gummy-textured creature.

Ah, OK. You want me to touch it.

And appearing to be in slow motion, he began spinning it around on the tip on his index finger and batted it over to my direction. He did the same thing as he made his way down the assembly line.

The experience lasts roughly 15 mins. or so. There’s embarrassing video of us that I have purchased.

Thoughts of Bill Murray hunting after the Jaguar shark ran through my mind. It really was an incredible thing to hang out with all the colourful fish.

I also tried snorkeling for a bit, but ended up floundering about in the reef, despite having the safety net of a yellow life jacket. Need a bit more help with that one.

Back on land!

Apparently, we’re going to learn how to spear a fish today on an indigenous people’s walk. Oh, those crazy Aussies.

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